You're completely useless in the revolution.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
