I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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