and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
