I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
