how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Randomize
