help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
