sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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