I puked a lego.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
