Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
honey bunches of taint.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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