look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
