either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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