i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
