you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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