I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
