drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
