her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
