Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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