I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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