Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
