Small penises have feelings too.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
