We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
