Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
