Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize