bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
