You're my little dorito
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize