I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
