Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
