I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
