i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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