So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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