just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize