I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Someone came in the potted fern
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
