My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
