I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
