we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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