i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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