Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
