just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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