he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Please, let me fuck your mom
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pants are for mortals
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
