Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
