I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
