why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
