She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
