he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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