Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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