We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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