I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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