So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
