It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
