Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
