they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
