shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
