Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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