I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
