did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
