She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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