I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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