PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
