There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
