You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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