I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
