When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
