She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
