Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
