I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
