Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
