Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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