is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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