Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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