Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The best revenge is premature balding
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize