dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
