Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
