is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
