The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sobbing to NWA
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
