If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
