I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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