You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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