I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Even my vagina gasped.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
