His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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