You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
