The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
