It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
