We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
