He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
