i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
im on a boat
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