are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
