I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
