No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just tell him i said nine months
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
