i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You smell like stripper and shame
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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