In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
