never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My feet surprised me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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