Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My ass is underappreciated
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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