I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
