he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
