The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
