So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
