So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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