the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize